he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
