That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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