If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
