I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
