When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't turn off my feet"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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