Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
