come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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