So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
