Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
