Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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