I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
