I'm pants shitting drunk right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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