I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
