i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
