3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
