I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
