I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
