You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
