i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
