I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
