Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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