The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
