i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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