My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
