Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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