just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We're too hungover to prance.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
