How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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