I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The best revenge is premature balding
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
