i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
