I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
