all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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