It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
