got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
