i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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