You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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