Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
