I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
