we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
