I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
