I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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