I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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