Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
