I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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