Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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