You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
