Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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