Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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