Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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