yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
