went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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